Healing from Narcissistic Abuse: Why You Should Focus on You

After experiencing the destructive effects of narcissistic abuse that devastate your life, it is a natural to desire solace from external sources. The development of Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome, resulting from repeated devaluation by a narcissist, induces painful emotions of emptiness, fragility, and despair. Consequently, victims of narcissistic abuse are inclined to seek a new relationship instead of introspectively addressing their inner wounds. However, this approach can lead to a detrimental cycle and hinder genuine healing, as it diverts attention away from necessary internal growth. In this article, I will elaborate on the importance of prioritising self-healing when healing from narcissistic abuse.

The heightened sense of vulnerability

The intensified feeling of vulnerability resembles the gap of vulnerability I discussed earlier. However, the heightened sense of vulnerability amplifies this gap. It emerges from enduring repeated abuse and trauma from a narcissist, leading individuals to experience extreme vulnerability after narcissistic abuse. In this state, victims are highly prone to entering another abusive or toxic situation, often without their awareness. It is as if they are operating on autopilot, oblivious to their surroundings and the profound vulnerability they carry within them. Lacking comprehension and awareness of the amplified vulnerability, an individual who falls victim to narcissism experiences a loss of authority and is unable to make sound and composed choices.

The key to recovering from narcissistic abuse is reducing vulnerability and addressing the heightened sense of vulnerability. By consistently tapping into your intuition, establishing boundaries, and healing from the CPTSD caused by narcissistic abuse, one can gradually close the gap of vulnerability. Simultaneously, as you align yourself, the heightened sense of vulnerability diminishes. As the gap of vulnerability narrows, your susceptibility to abuse and manipulation decreases until there is no room for abusers to exploit.

The importance of engaging in inner work and personal growth

Many individuals who have left a narcissistic relationship may find themselves in a new relationship shortly afterward, only to discover that they have again become involved with another narcissist. This phenomenon is known as encountering different masks on the same face. Narcissism comes in various forms, and if you fail to address the underlying issues after experiencing one type, you will likely find yourself entangled with a different manifestation of narcissism. Therefore, it is crucial to undertake the necessary introspective work before considering entering the dating scene again.

Although I understand the pain associated with this process, I can assure you that the outcome will not be favourable. Even if you believe otherwise, the result will inevitably lead to disaster. Engaging in inner work is essential to rewire deeply ingrained subconscious patterns that contribute to falling prey to abusive relationships. This process involves examining all aspects of oneself that resist exposure. When we neglect this crucial step, it is akin to placing a temporary bandage on a wound. Although it may provide temporary relief, the scar will persist.

Choosing without awareness or consciousness

All destructive behaviour and toxic cycles result from a state of unconsciousness. As individuals and a collective, we have been living unconsciously, disconnected from higher awareness and understanding of ourselves. Without bringing the unconscious mind into the conscious, one will repeat the same cycles without intervention or retrospection. Choices in life and dating made from a state of unconsciousness will inevitably be bad for you. The universal law states that we attract the level of our state of being. You can’t end up with a loving and whole partner if you aren’t those things for yourself. You will end up with someone masquerading to be those things, a mirror to your unconscious wounding. They will break you continuously until you finally become conscious of these patterns in your life.

Narcissists exploit our lack of awareness to mistreat us. They rely on our unconsciousness to carry out their manipulative actions. A narcissist takes advantage of our limited understanding of narcissism and our own unconscious aspects, which explains why we often engage in these toxic dynamics. It is crucial on an individual and collective level that we become conscious. By embracing consciousness, we can overcome the perceptual prison that narcissists trap us in. Our beliefs play a fundamental role since we must believe in the power of narcissists to be influenced by them. Believing in our own power empowers us. When we alter our beliefs at an individual level, we transform the collective consciousness. By shifting our beliefs, narcissists can no longer project their manipulative tactics onto us. The new paradigm is self-awareness; knowing who we are protects us from external manipulation.

Learning to connect with and validate oneself

Turning inwards is crucial in the healing process after experiencing narcissistic abuse. Instead of seeking validation and connection from external sources, one must face the painful task of confronting their inner wounds. It can be particularly challenging after enduring the trauma of narcissistic abuse, which leaves the soul fragmented. Turning inwards is facing and addressing the internal pain rather than relying on the narcissist or others to fill the emotional void. It is natural for this process to be frightening. However, it is the only way to break free from the toxic cycle of abuse. Although escapism may provide temporary relief, it ultimately perpetuates helplessness and unhealthy decision-making, resembling any other form of addiction.

It is essential to undergo a rehabilitation process to break this addiction. Display courage by committing to saving your inner being and vowing to refrain from dating until you have completely healed from the effects of narcissistic abuse. At that point, you will attain mental clarity and wholeness, enabling you to make conscious decisions. As you reconnect with your intuition and establish appropriate boundaries, you will eliminate the fear of encountering another narcissist. I advise refraining from dating for years following narcissistic abuse, as this duration is necessary for proper healing from narcissistic abuse.

Rewiring deep subconscious programming

The subconscious mind governs 95% of our actions, contributing significantly to our involvement in toxic and abusive situations. Our behaviour comes from deeply rooted programs embedded in our subconscious mind operating outside our conscious awareness. It explains how we can believe we have moved on from narcissistic individuals, only to find ourselves going on a date with another or entering into another abusive relationship. Despite our intentions to get it right this time, we feel irresistibly drawn to these individuals and struggle to leave, even when warning signs become evident.

The key lies in reprogramming our subconscious mind at its core. However, this process is neither quick nor easy, contrary to what we may convince ourselves. It requires thoroughly examining and healing our deepest wounds and a transforming our deeply ingrained beliefs and self-perceptions regarding love. Once we successfully rewire our subconscious programming to embrace healthy dynamics, we naturally attract such experiences. The reason is that the subconscious mind operates as a magnet, drawing in experiences that align with its newly formed patterns. The universe acts as a reflection of our subconscious mind, and through these challenging experiences, we can finally awaken and achieve full consciousness.

Clarifying your personal values

Narcissistic relationships present a multitude of issues, including manipulation and abuse. One of the main problems is the rapid pace at which these relationships progress without assessing shared values. Instead, they are on the initial euphoria of love bombing and the illusion of commonalities. However, the importance of understanding if our values align with our partners is neglected. While shared interests may exist, values encompass our fundamental qualities, such as integrity, loyalty, and honesty. It is essential to differentiate between the two. Additionally, many individuals mistakenly believe that chemistry equates to compatibility when in reality, they are distinct factors that influence the long-term success of a relationship.

People with Narcissistic Personality Disorder are adept at mirroring others, presenting themselves as ideal partners or friends. Yet, this behaviour is merely a reflection of their disorder and lacks authenticity. As time progresses, the narcissist inevitably becomes bored and reveals their true nature by discarding the mask. Therefore, it becomes crucial to have a clear understanding of our own values, enabling us to assess whether someone possesses good character or not. Identifying our values empowers us to walk away when a potential partner fails to align with them. It is vital to resist falling for grand gestures and false chemistry and instead prioritise building a solid and genuine connection.

Getting it right once and for all

No one willingly enters an abusive relationship. It happens because the victim becomes entrapped in the cycle of narcissistic abuse due to a lack of awareness and vulnerabilities. Even after breaking free, individuals may struggle to follow the steps provided here and find themselves returning to these harmful situations. However, by adhering to the reasons outlined in this guide, one can achieve ultimate freedom, liberation, and the ability to build a healthy life and love. This process is undoubtedly challenging but is absolutely necessary for long-lasting success.

We all possess the power to create a new reality, but it requires dedication and hard work. For this reason, I specialise in supporting survivors, guiding them through a blueprint of healing through conscious awareness. This blueprint effectively eradicates any subconscious programming that hinders progress and facilitates a profound connection with oneself. For a one-on-one session, you can contact me here.