How to Begin Deactivating Narcissistic Triggers
Triggering is a core part of narcissistic abuse, which happens during the entrapment and after the disengagement. Narcissistic abuse is so painful because it activates core wounds in people. The person who is subconsciously a saviour to the deepest parts that hurt inside – is the person who is smashing them open to be seen.
A trigger is a trauma that has risen to the surface. It is really what the whole narcissistic abuse experience is about – someone outside of us repeatedly triggering what hurts within.
Narcissistic triggers feel all-consuming. You can get stuck in them for days, weeks, and even months. I describe it as a tightness in the chest or a dark cloud hanging over you that you cannot get rid of. The first step to deactivating narcissistic triggers is realising that you are in them. When you can admit you are in one, the intensity of it can begin to lose its hold over you.
With each trigger, the narcissist is hitting on a specific core wound. When you are triggered – it is about identifying and healing that core wound so it can come into your awareness and be released. Core wounds can be the feeling of being invisible, unheard, lonely, unloved, rejected, or abandoned. Getting to the bottom of the core wound and the subsequent belief attached to it can be powerful for dissolving the narcissistic trigger.
The trigger can arise from nowhere, or harmful actions such as breaking no contact and rumination about the past can activate them. It usually stems from the false belief that the narcissist has something in life that you do not. It is the belief they are getting away with everything in life and never getting any karma for their actions. Think of karma as not necessarily a single event, though it can be, but rather a state of being. A narcissist will always try to trigger envy in you, to make you believe they are living a high life.
Wanting the narcissist to experience karma means you are in a trigger. So again, it is about recognising you are triggered so it can begin to lose its hold over you. Even just acknowledging you are in one can release the tension. Karma is a big concern regarding narcissists because, on the surface, they appear to get away with it. They ride off into the sunset with the new supply while you are left battling crippling CPTSD, barely able to function or put one foot forward. In the early stages of recovery, because of betrayal trauma, it is natural to feel like they have won while you are left to pick up the pieces after having your life destroyed by them. Now, it certainly looks that way.
I used to believe this, too. But the more I kept putting one foot forward, the more I accessed the wisdom, truth, and inner power that freed me from obsession. The truth is that nobody can use and abuse people and live a charmed life, no matter what the surface looks like. Karma is like a boomerang effect for the narcissist. It is on the universal law of cause and effect. It means that everything the narcissist puts out into the universe will come back to them in one way or another. The more darkness they put into the world, the more they invite the dark back into theirs.
Narcissists cannot bring true light into their life – because they never do the inner work that can match that reality. Whereas if you take the longer and more difficult road of healing, you are the one who will come out on top in the end.
Narcissistic triggers can also happen because you are projecting onto the narcissist. Life after abuse is not easy, which causes a tendency to focus on the narcissist. But the more you do the inner work – the more you release yourself from darkness and start drawing light into your world. Moving out of triggering is also about being honest with yourself. The only way to get to the bottom of core wounding is to fully see, feel, and acknowledge what the narcissist is activating.
I understand triggering on a deep level and how frustrating and painful it can be. When I began rebuilding my self-identity and self-worth, I released myself from the energetic interference of narcissists and now live my life and truth. When you live your life and speak the truth, you aren’t affected anymore by whatever core wound the narcissist is hitting on.
It is so painful to look at the things we don’t want to see, but if you never do, the narcissist will always have power over you, and there will be an energetic cord to them.
Part of my work in narcissistic abuse recovery is helping people identify and heal core wounds to free themselves from triggering and obsession. To work with me one-on-one, book here. You can also follow me on Instagram at beyondtheillusion.co and shoot me a DM there.
